Ever wondered why some relationships do well while others don’t? or the relationships you have been in to this end have failed? Well nothing just happens, there must be a cause that leads to it happening. Same happens with relationships. Even when you think you are the most amazing person someone will ever date, at some point that awesomeness may look ugly for reasons that would eventually cause the relation not to succeed. Sometimes we are the cause, other times it is the person we were in a relationship with and some other times it is external. But we are least likely to admit when it us who caused the break ups.
So I will be sharing some of them from first hand experience, some I have observed from other people and some that we have shared with individuals as we talked along this line. I believe this will help us to be intentional about relationships and do them only when we are ready for them otherwise trial and error is a game of death when it comes to relationships.
Foundation and Family Background
The foundation of anything in this life is very important. That is where what is build stands. How long the house is going to stand the test of time, storms and earthquakes depends on the kind of foundation that was laid when that house was being build. Weak foundations do not support a house for long neither does the house last. Same with relationships it is important to have the right foundations, either family, spiritual, self etc
Too nice or Too available
I didn’t know how sensitive this was until a friend mentioned it to me. There are people who are naturally kind and nice, it is part of their personality even though that can as well send different signals if not done conscious of the boundaries that must exist. There are others however who use kindness or play too nice just to achieve a goal, either way it will not play well for people who are committed to others in love affairs.
When you are committed to a relationship with someone it is good to know your boundaries so that you don’t cross them to hurt the person you love or send the wrong signals to the person you are trying to help.
Being too nice or too available comes in the sense that one goes to an extreme end with helping another in our case the opposite agenda or just being available in their life more than it is expected. There is known to exist a jealousy when people are in a relationship which happens as a way of guarding what belongs to them.
Fornication (crossing boundaries)
It will be okay to say that this is one of the most common reasons why some relationships fail to mature and materialize into something noble like a biblical marriage. Knowing how far is too far is a puzzle that still muzzles and snares many people. To what extend can one go when they are with the person they love? What activities can they engage in and which ones are they supposed to keep at bay until the right time?
Fornication is like a quick fire that goes off as quickly as it was lit even though its consequences can be bad and sometimes have a lasting effect. It is so quick to get there and engage in sex but at the same time so quick to loose interest in that person, after all what else is there to do and yet we have partaken in the main thing we have been patient for all this while.This is well explained in the case of Amnon and Tamar. Amnon was so obsessed with his virgin sister Tamar that he made himself sick. With the help of his advisor Amnon send word to his father David the king to have his sister attend to him from his house but he eventually had his way and raped her. After forcing himself on her the Bible records that he hated her more.
Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, ‘Get up and get out of here’ 2 Samuel 13:15 (NIV)
Looking at a failed past
We all have a past and some of them are scary to look back at. The best you can obtain from a failed past is the lesson it taught you but not tether your life on it with regrets and wishes. That will only deter your progress.
Negatively looking back at a failed past has its disadvantages. I will put this in two dimensions in the manner that you are looking at a failed past with a heart full of bitterness, revenge, anger and resentment which means that you are not healed and this will affect your commitment in the next relationships or you are looking at a failed past with a judgmental heart, self pity and denial and you now think that you don’t deserve a good person because of how the previous relationship ended.
Influence from Parents and Friends
Well some few people unfortunately so, marry for their parents or seek to be in relationships just to impress their family members or friends. This is another worst fail that crumbles such relationships because in the first place they are not in the relationship with a common goal but rather to prove a point and to impress. When you want to prove that you too can get the hottest chick or dude in town then you have started off on a very unstable foundation. Love is best done and enjoyed when it is about the “us” factor without introducing or seeking a third party approval. No one has to approve for you a potential spouse before you have approved them yourself, that way you will have little to get your ears itchy because of the criticism and all people got to say because you made the choice yourself and that was your best short.
Negative speech and belief system
Words make or break men.You are most likely going to receive or reflect your confessions. Be positive and you will most likely receive positive things in life. Check your belief system and the possible things that can change it. Towards which side of the pendulum does it lean towards? What is your culture and how does it affect your belief system as far as relationships are concerned. What do you have in store for yourself aside what is spoken out here?
Spoilt for choices.
A lion will never harvest its prey when it has multiple options at hand however strong and fast it may be. In the end it will be left without a prey because in the process of getting confused as to which pray to focus on they would have all escaped. This is what happens when someone is spoilt for choices. They have several people at stake until they loose focus on which one is good for them. A double minded person is unstable in all their ways.
There are many other reasons that can make or break relationships depending on how we handle and respond to them which we can all have a say about. But each one of us is mostly going to eat from the fruit of our lips and what our personality stands for.
No Road is too Long with the Right Company.
© Ashubwe Jebel
Loveleaf 